Panic Attack
by EuphoriaLily
Summary: Alec has a panic attack


**Well, that took me a while, but finally, here it is! Panic Attack. I used my own creative imagination as usual, and the character belong to Cassie (I s2g if Malec doesn't come back together I will steal these characters from her). Prompted by ****_Anonymous_**** on Tumblr.**

**I hope you like!**

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Alec sat on the bed, staring ahead of himself, fumbling with the platinum band on his finger, his heart pounding rapidly in his chest. The band felt immensely heavy on his hand, and he felt the enormous urge to take it off and throw it out of the window.

Was this even a good idea? This wasn't even accepted in his world, he could get his Marks stripped.

Did he care?

Of course he cared! Being a Shadowhunter was part of him, just like the Warlock was! No one should ask him to choose!

He buried his head in his hands, taking a deep breath - or trying to take one, and failing. His breathing was coming in rapid flows, the carbon-dioxide barely leaving his body. He was freaking out.

Yesterday, the most beautiful thing had happened. Magnus had asked Alec to marry him and Alec had said 'yes'. Thinking about it made Alec's stomach flutter. In the good way, too. And now…now he was incredibly nervous and thinking of all the pros and cons of this.

What if he wasn't a good husband? What if he screwed up royally, like always? He could see himself do it, too. He couldn't do this! He couldn't, he would hurt Magnus!

He yanked the ring off and placed it next to him on the bed, before burying his head in his hands.

"Alec?" He looked up, startled, and saw Magnus standing in the doorway of the bathroom, arms crossed in front of his chest and looking at him with a concerned look on his face. "Darling, what's wrong?"

Alec shook his head, looking down at his hands. He couldn't tell Magnus. He literally couldn't. It would break his heart. It would absolutely destroy him. He felt a hand on his shoulders, and he clenched his eyes shut to force back the tears. "Please, don't."

"Alec, I can see the ring, please, tell me what's wrong." Magnus put both his hands on his lover's shoulders and started massaging softly. Alec groaned. How could he bring his? He loved Magnus with all his being, but to save everyone a lot of pain, he should break this off now, before it was too late. "Okay, correct me if I'm wrong. You're having second thoughts, aren't you?" Alec gasped for breath softly. He was surprised to find no judgement or hurt in Magnus's voice. "Alexander, please talk to me."

"Yes." Alec whispered. "Magnus, I screw up everything! I can't do this to you."

Magnus laughed softly. "You really are stupid sometimes, aren't you, Lightwood?" His voice was soft and tender.

"Yes, I know! And that's why I shouldn't marry you! I fuck up everything and I can't and I **won't** fuck up our relationship!" His breath was laboured, and his heart was pounding hard out of his chest. "I can't hurt you! I can't, and I won't!"

Magnus sighed, sat himself down in the middle of the bed and pulled Alec with him. "Alec, my darling. You don't fuck up everything." he whispered. He pressed his lips to Alec's temple and held him tightly to his chest. Alec tried so hard to struggle himself out of Magnus's grip, but it was surprisingly strong.

"Let me go, you _asshole_!" Alec struggled hard, but Magnus held on while Alec felt panic surge through his body. "Let me go, I_can't_ marry you! I want to, I want it so bad, don't you understand?! But I _can't_, because I'll hurt you over and over again! Please, understand!" He managed to take a hold of the ring, and forced it into Magnus's palm. "Take it! Take it back! Please!" Tears streaked down his cheeks as he tried to force Magnus to take it. "Please, don't you understand?"

"I do understand." Magnus whispered, still refusing to close his palms. "If you calm down, I will help you. But for Lilith's sake, _calm down_, my love."

Still shaking and crying uncontrollably, Alec stopped attempting to close Magnus's hand around the band. "Why would you want to marry me? I keep…"

"…fucking up, you said that." interrupted Magnus. He placed his finger under Alec's chin and lifted his lover's head so that he could kiss Alec's lips softly. Alec completely melted into his kiss, against his own will and instinct. He needed this so much, he needed _Magnus_ like he had never needed anyone else. "See? Okay, so this is not about you not loving me anymore." Magnus stated, taking Alec's hand in his. Alec felt the ring, pressing cold against his skin. He was trembling and cold and freaking out. Magnus pressed calm kisses to his forehead until he felt Alec relax a bit. "Now, Alexander Lightwood, I love you. I have never loved, and will never love anyone as much as I do you right now." whispered Magnus.

Alec sobbed softly, as his heart leapt. Magnus had never so openly and with so much heart admitted to loving him. But it wasn't that he doubted Magnus's love for him. He doubted his own. Or rather, he doubted himself more than anything. "It's not about that." he whispered.

"I don't care what happens. I know what I'm getting into. Do you really think I would've asked you to marry me if I hadn't?"

"But I…"

"…screw up. Don't we all? For Lilith's sake, you're human. Sort of. We all are human." Magnus pulled him to his chest, comforting him. "Jesus Christ, you really believe this, don't you?"

Alec groaned in Magnus's chest. What would it take for the Warlock to see? "I'm not good for you."

Magnus burst out laughing. Alec looked at him, surprised and slightly hurt. This was not at all something to laugh at. "Not…n-not good f-for me!" he blurted out between laughing fits. "Oh Alexander. If there is someone not good for someone, it's me for you. Not the other way around."

Alec grumbled lowly, muttering under his breath about 'crazy Warlocks'. "I don't…"

"Look, Alec, if you don't want to marry me, just say so. I won't hold it against you. You're barely twenty, it's understandable. But I want to marry you, and nothing you'll ever say will stop me from wanting it."

Magnus's speech seemed to lift a great weight off Alec's shoulders. The Warlock didn't care about his tendencies to fuck things up. He only wanted Alec, and everything that came with it. "That's not…I…Magnus, I really do want to marry _you_. I love you, more than anything in the entire world. You're the most important person in my life. And marrying you, it would be the best thing ever happening to me."

They stared at each other for a very long, Magnus searching Alec's eyes with wonder. "Are you all right?" Alec turned around in the Warlock's arms and buried his face in his chest. And finally, he completely broke. All the emotions and pressure of the past couple of weeks came rushing to the surface, and tears streamed down his face. "Oh Alexander…" Magnus whispered. He wrapped both his arms tightly around the Shadowhunter's body, rocking him gently. "Just let it go, let yourself go, just this once. Shh, shh." Alec held onto his Warlock tightly as he cried hysterically. "It's okay. I'm here, I'm here, my love. My brave Shadowhunter."

"I love you, Magnus. So, so much."

Magnus stroked Alec's hair and rocked him softly. "It's okay. I love you. I love you, Alexander Lightwood."

Alec looked up, and their eyes locked; Magnus's yellow cat-eyes with Alec's blue ones. Magnus smiled lovingly, which gave Alec the strength to actually speak up, "So you still want to marry me?"

"Of course, you stupid Nephilim." Magnus pulled Alec over his body, rolling over and pinning him against the bed. Immediately, Alec felt his stomach coil and his heart pound. Magnus always managed to turn him on, no matter what the circumstances. "I want to marry you, I want to be with you for the rest of my life and I_. _Want. You._ Now._" he finished, growling before practically attacking Alec's neck with the hunger of a Vampire. Alec moaned, grabbing Magnus's shoulders to pull him close. All was well now. They were getting married. It was as if Magnus read his thoughts, because the next moment he was pulling away again. "But first," he opened his palm, revealing the platinum band, "Marry me?"

Alec laughed, how Magnus managed to sound so innocent was beyond him. He extended his hand again. "Yes, Magnus Bane. I will marry you." The words brought butterflies in his stomach (a phrase he hoped he would never have to use in front of anyone) and his heart was speeding up quickly.

Magnus slid the band back into place, a huge smile on his face. "Good. Now, where were we?" he said, grinning like the Chesire Cat. Alec beat him to it, though, grabbing the Warlock's head and pulling him down roughly to kiss him. Both grinning like crazy, they held each other as their mouths explored each other with passion that neither of them had known before. "Ah yes," Magnus breathed between two passionate kisses, "I remember now."

Alec grinned, the night was long and there were so many things one could do with his fiancé in such a night. He planned on doing at least half of them.

This was going to be so much fun.

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**Reviews make my day! Follow me on Tumblr, where I post all my Malec stories and more Malec related stuff and other things. ****_shadowlockmalec_**


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